Leave Me Alone

True  Love

Husband comes home drunk and breaks some crockery,

vomits and falls down on the floor....
Wife pulls him up and cleans everything.

Next day when he gets up he expects her to be really angry with him..
He prays that they should not have a fight..
He finds a note near the table...

" Honey... your favorite breakfast is ready on the table,
I had to leave early to buy grocery...
I'll come running back to you, my love. I love you... "

He gets surprised and asks his son...,
"What happened last night..?"

Son told: " when mom pulled you to bed and tried
removing your boots and shirt...
your were dead drunk and you said...

"Hey, lady ! Leave me alone... I am married !!!"

He and She (2)

Women gotta love this one

A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted
by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who
asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,
"If I give you this money,will you buy some wine with it instead
of dinner?"      "No, I had to stop drinking years ago",
the homeless woman replied.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food ?"
the woman asked. "No,I don't waste time shopping",the homeless
woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?",
the woman asked.  "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. 

"I haven't had my hair done in 20 years !"

"Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money.
Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband
and myself tonight."

The homeless woman was astounded. "Won't your husband be
furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably
smell pretty disgusting."

The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a
woman looks like after she has given up shopping,salon and wine.." 

He and She (1)

A man didn't drink, smoke or gamble

The beggar at the bus terminus in Central stopped a man
and asked him for some money for something to eat.
The man said: "I will buy you a drink if you like."
The beggar said: "I never drink."  "Well, then," said the man,
"I will buy you a cigar."    "But I don't smoke,"
said the derelict.  "All I want is something to eat."
"I have got a good tip on a horse this afternoon," said the man,
"and I will put some money on it for you."
"But I don't believe in gambling," said the beggar."All I want is food."

"In that case," said the man, "come home to dinner with me.
I'd like my wife to see what happens to a man who...
doesn't drink, smoke or gamble."